I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
