I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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