My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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