Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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