Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
