Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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