I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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