My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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