My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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