after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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