we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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