I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
