I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize