Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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