I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
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It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
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I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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