Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
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Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
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Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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