The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
