I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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