Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
