if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
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Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
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I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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