why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
