She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
