YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
