I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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