today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
