go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Randomize
