Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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