I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
