he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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