Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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