so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
