My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
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And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
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Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
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