Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
