Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
