i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
