it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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