listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
