Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
