We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
