You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
