Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
