you win again, gameday.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
