So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
