guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We are all done wearing pants today
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