you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
