I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
