Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Found the puke drawer
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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