I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
