You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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