I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
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Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
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grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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