those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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