i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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