you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
