I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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