I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize