I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
