Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Me too!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
