I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
