If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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