So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
