You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
