the new term for farting is butt boxing.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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