....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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