Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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