so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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