I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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