Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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