Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
