i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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