Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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